


Changes

by Sweven



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords
Genre: Angst, Everybody Lives, F/F, F/M, Happy Ending, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 05:02:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9107701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweven/pseuds/Sweven
Summary: Made for the 2016KotORGiftExchange over on Tumblr! I created forintolerabletyrannyand the whole thing was hosted bysuchaquietthingThis deviates a bit from the game canon in a few ways. Both the Handmaiden and Disciple followed f!Exile, some events happen out of order, the ending is slightly different.Atton POV. Everybody loves the Exile. Grey Jedi/fluctuating Force aligments are a thing.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [http://intolerabletyranny.tumblr.com/](/gifts?recipient=http%3A%2F%2Fintolerabletyranny.tumblr.com%2F).



 

**Peragus**

When he first saw her, he saw a way out of the hole he'd dug himself into. She was rude, which he could appreciate, barely dressed, which he appreciated more, and muscular enough to intimidate him slightly.

He didn’t trust this Jedi, not by a long shot, but he was intrigued by this stranger who risked life and limb with barely any information to go on. Who ripped the mining station apart droid for droid in an insane attempt to rescue their hides. He was interested, but still had every intention to ditch her at the first opportunity. Of course, the old witch put a hydrospanner in that plan and so, much to his displeasure, he was stuck on the Ebon Hawk with a pair of lunatics on a mission.

 

**The Ebon Hawk**

When they met Bao-Dur Atton thought him a fool. He didn’t understand the easy relationship Bao-Dur had with his General. Later Atton would come to envy him. She led, he followed. He had faith in her in a way Atton couldn’t even comprehend. At one point he asked the mechanic what had happened for the bond to have grown so strong. The Iridonian had smiled his mysterious half-smile and said “war.”

Atton understood even less after that. From his perspective war created enemies, not trusting allies. He tried explaining this to Bao-Dur, but the Iridonian just looked at him sadly and gently disagreed. Atton didn’t pursue the conversation further.

 

The Exile spoke softly of the Fallen Jedi Revan that had led them in the Mandalorian Wars but only with Mandalore and Bao-Dur. Atton had discussed her with the Exile briefly but their views on the woman who had led them both into battle were too different to be aligned. The conversation had ended in both Atton and the Exile drawing away from each other, both of them hurt by the views of the other.

Atton spent a lot of time playing Pazaak after that.

 

**Nar Shaddaa**

On Nar Shaddaa he watched the Exile defend her kindness from Kreia and he couldn't help to think her naive. She insisted in seeing the best in others. She was beautiful and glowed in her fervour and Atton felt swayed by her presence for a moment; maybe the inherent justice and the good of the act was worth the risks one suffered? In the end he scoffed mockingly at the thought, being good and kind in the underbelly of Nar Shaddaa was difficult at best, but the seed had been planted.

 

Later, when his past came back to haunt him in the form of a pair of Twi’leks, the Exile was too calm and too understanding. Atton lashed out, told her about his past in the harshest way he knew, the hurt and guilt hidden just beneath the surface. He wanted her to scream and rage at him, to punish him for past crimes, he wanted her to leave him behind in the dirt, broken by harsh words and feelings he didn’t want.

Instead she was kind. A kindness he didn’t understand but hungered for. When she took his hand and forgave him, Atton felt a surge of fierce affection and he began to open up his heart and mind. Being close to the Exile, protecting and aiding her in her mission, was suddenly the most important thing he knew. She gave him a lightsaber and a promise to take him with her, and he cherished both.

 

**The Ebon Hawk**

During hyperspace travel Atton spent his time in the cargo hold which functioned as a training room. They were en route to Dantooine, a place Atton despised more than most places in the galaxy. The Jedi had hid there during the Mandalorian Wars and Atton resented every last one of them for it, both the living and the dead.

The Exile was anxious as well, he could feel it coming off of her in waves. Atton understood her unwillingness to face her past on this planet. She was practicing the Soresu form in the other end of the room, striving for an ever higher level of perfection. Atton stared transfixed at her fluid movement from one pose to the next. The sweat was dripping from her reddened face, a few strands of her pale hair were sticking to the side of her face, the rest was held up in a messy bun that only got messier by the second.

Atton was learning his basic lightsaber forms with the Handmaiden, but looking at the Exile training made him realise how far he had to go yet. Knowing the Echani form was useful, but lightsaber combat was much more different than he had anticipated. The cold light of the cargo bay caught the Exile’s throat as she made a particularly graceful turn and Atton stopped in his tracks.

*THWACK*

A hard blow from a training baton struck his jaw and Atton tumbled to the hard floor. For a moment all he saw was stars and darkness. The moment passed and when Atton opened his eyes, he was faced with a pale, white haired person, though not the one he hoped. Brianna sneered at him before helping him up. “Focus you fool! Were that a lightsaber, you’d be dead now!” Atton thought that she didn’t seem too broken up about that prospect.

The Exile’s voice sounded sharply from the other side of the cargo hold. “Careful Brianna, I asked you to train him, not to break him!”  

The Handmaiden looked chastised although Atton suspected that was more because of the disappointed tone in the Exile’s voice than because she’d taken advantage of his lapse in focus. The Exile sighed, clearly having been ripped irreversibly from the meditative training. “I’ll be in the ‘fresher. Don’t kill each other in the meantime.”

Both Atton and Brianna stared after the Exile as she left the room. Softly now, the Handmaiden spoke. “She’s got too much on her mind as it is. Don’t burden her with your desires.”

Atton scoffed nervously, quickly looking away from the doorway. “What desires? Wh-what are you talking about? Like you’re one to lecture me, I’ve seen how you look at her!”

Brianna looked at him oddly and his cheeks reddened slightly under her scrutiny. “Why do you deny that you’re drawn to her? We all are, you must feel it. That’s not the issue here. Don’t let your feelings interfere with the mission. Bury them.” The Handmaiden turned and left Atton alone and confused in the cargo hold.

 

**Dantooine**

On Dantooine they found the Disciple. Mical was infuriating and a constant source of annoyance to Atton. They fought about the Exile or, more precisely, Atton fought with Mical. The historian merely stood there with his aloof Jedi demeanor while Atton showered him with insults and as the Handmaiden, Mical never denied his feelings for the Exile. Atton resented the both of them for how blithely they were able to acknowledge it.

The Exile didn’t notice or didn’t care about the spats and somehow that made Atton feel worse.

 

**Korriban**

On Korriban he saw her furiously angry. Alone she entered the cave and alone she emerged from the tombs of the ancient Sith Lords covered in dark blood and grime, her anger surrounding her like a cloak. His Exile had seen horrible visions from her past, present, and future, and she resented the forces behind them. She was a flurry of lightsabers and Dark Magic, lightning drawn from anguish and hatred. Without a thought she summoned crawling horrors and nightmares which Atton would remember till the end of his days. She was dark and beautiful, her face pale and twisted in a terrible grimace as her screams blasted the enemies aside. They were forced to flee from the Sith Lord but the Exile brought the darkness with her and her rage grew at the defeat.

Atton saw her in her fury and her glory and he was amazed. He knew then that he would follow her wherever she chose to go, even into the darkness if that was what she wished. He would endure it for her. The revelation was terrifying and he shrank away from it immediately but the truth would not be denied for long.

 

**The Ebon Hawk**

Atton severely distrusted Visas Marr and pulled no punches in telling the Exile. She decided that the two of them should learn to get along and made them meditate together. “You both have much to learn from each other” she said, smiling like a satisfied Nexu and ignoring Atton’s protests.

Meditation went poorly. Atton could feel the stranger in front of him regard him through the Force and grew angrier by the moment. Why should he trust her? She'd fallen so far, had it not been for the Exile she'd still be helping Nihilus. Why should he have to endure sleepless nights over strangers on their ship?

Visas spoke, softly and still deep in her meditative state. “Stop asking why. She leads. We follow. Asking why is pointless. We follow because we must.” Atton started to object but Visas continued with no regards to his interjection. “There's no shame in your confusion but if your wish is to serve her best, you must release your doubt and your need for more reasons to follow her. You feel it as well as I do. What she has awakened in us runs deep and cannot be ignored.”

Atton bared his teeth in a mockery of a smile and stared at the Miraluka. “I doubt that you feel the same way I do. She and I have been through much together, there's no way you can imagine what we’ve shared.”

Visas tilted her head slightly. “She knows you that much is true. You, on the other hand, you barely know yourself. Listen through the Force.“

Atton could feel her opening her mind barriers, allowing a wave of trust and loyalty to roll over him. It was astounding and overwhelming. This woman had known the Exile for mere weeks and already she was ready to follow her into the maws of hell. “You've built your walls so tall, I hardly think you know how to tear them down any longer. Allow her to see you as you are and she will reward you.”

They meditated in silence and Atton considered her words carefully.

 

**Dantooine**

Atton had followed her across the galaxy. He’d watched her form a fragile peace with the Jedi Masters that cast her out and called her haughty and arrogant. For the longest time he believed she should have struck the Masters down for what they did to her but he respected her decisions and he learned from them. He’d watched her make illogical choices because it was right, no matter that they were travellers of limited means.

He’d grown accustomed to the warm glow radiating from her when she went out of her way to help some fool in the vast desert or when she gave away their last credits to a hungry child. Atton liked it. It was comforting and he could feel himself become better just by being near her. The glow had diminished since Korriban. The Exile was less kind now, less forgiving. Atton was saddened by the absence of the glow but he looked ahead and relished the things to come.

 

On Dantooine Kreia ripped the fragile peace with the Jedi Masters from the Exile; the mentor shattered the student’s work into a million pieces and left her. Atton had thought her terrifying on Korriban but her rampage there was nothing compared to her reaction to Kreia’s betrayal.

The Exile’s fury was cold as the vacuum of space. It permeated the Ebon Hawk and froze everyone to their bones. The Hawk was dead silent during the hyperspace jump, through the Force everyone onboard felt the swirling vortex of darkness that was pulling at her, growing stronger with each rotation. The darkness was spreading and Atton knew that the woman he loved was changing. The Jedi was fading and something else was about to take her place.

None of the crew spoke about it but knowing glances was exchanged and each of them reached the same decision. All of her friends and companions would welcome the darkness, should it be the Exile’s choice. Atton knew that Mira struggled most of all. At first he was surprised at how easy his own decision had been. Then again, he thought, his decision had been made ages ago.

 

**Telos**

After Atris a bitterness lay upon the Exile. When she exited the meditation chamber her mouth was drawn with grief and when asked she shook her head gently, white hair obscuring her features.

“You should have seen her,” she said. “Back when I knew her. She was beautiful and strong. A picture of justice and someone to look to for wisdom. What you saw here was… a shadow. A twisted shadow of what she once was. “

Something in her words made Atton think that this was more than a friendship from years past. His Exile seemed distant and lost in memories. “She was so much more than I ever hoped to be. Arrogant yes, but unwavering in her beliefs. Atris was always good. I would never have imagined this to be her fate…”

The Exile was struck by bitterness and grief for her old friend and she turned away from the darkness that had been tempting her since Korriban. Atton wasn’t sure he liked it, he had been so ready to fall, so ready to follow. Her kindness and light didn’t return either and Atton was at a loss for what to do.

After Atris his Exile was changed.

  


**Malachor V**

On Malachor V he walked the barren hellscape alone. He wasn’t surprised that they had ended up in this place. It felt like a place for endings. Surrounded by the storm beasts, abominations he thought, he felt death creep ever closer. The Exile called for her companions through the Force, a desperate plea for someone to support her, for someone to be alive, and he answered without hesitation.

Lightsaber in hand, he fought his way to the Academy where the Triumvirate had formed. Atton made a decision then whilst striking down the mutated creatures and the weak Sith apprentices with both hatred and love in his heart. He was done hiding. After Malachor V he would bare his soul for his Exile, she deserved his honesty and he deserved the chance to serve her without restraint. To love her, even from afar if that was her choice.

 

Atton fought Darth Sion and won. He felt a strange kinship with this half-man in the end. They both loved the Exile and they would both destroy the world or, if she so wished, themselves for her.

Sion was a strange beast Atton thought. He could feel how deeply intertwined the love and hatred inside Sion was. Atton saw himself in Sion, he saw his own denial and the urge to fight the strange ties that bound him to the Exile mirrored in the Sith Lord. Atton thought that this was what the Handmaiden and Visas had seen in him earlier, and he pitied the broken man in front of him. Held together by nothing but the Force and a burning hatred, Atton saw what he would have become, had his Master been less kind.

 

Atton suffered defeat at Kreia’s hand. He lay on the cold rock of the Academy, and he finally felt at peace. A painful sort of peace, sure, with lightsaber burns covering most of his torso, but he treasured it.

He heard the Exile agree with Kreia’s hatred of the Force and laugh in the face of the Sith Lord as Kreia predicted that the Exile would leave everyone behind. “You don’t know me,” he heard her say. He didn’t need to see her to know the sharp smile on her lips. “If I’ve learned anything from this charade it is that my friends give me strength. Where I go, they go” Atton smiled as he heard his Exile denounce Kreia and strike her down, refusing to be her pawn in the end. Satisfied he closed his eyes certain that death would greet him now.

 

**The Ebon Hawk**

He heard footsteps in the distance. They sounded like they were coming from like light years away, growing louder with each instant. Finally they stopped and Atton opened his eyes. He was momentarily blinded by the harsh light of the Ebon Hawk medical facilities but then he saw Mical looking down on him. Atton made a disgusted noise. It was never the right blonde staring at him when he got knocked out.

“You’re all patched up Atton.” The Disciple said cheerfully. “You should really avoid lightsabers in the future though.”

The Exile entered his field of vision, sweaty and dirty with traces of Malachors poison on her skin, and more beautiful than Atton could ever remember seeing her before. Atton could feel his skin tingling with anticipation. “Hey you,” he rasped. “I’m glad I’m not dead, I want to show you something.”

Drawing in a deep breath he closed his eyes. He had been building his walls for as long as he could remember, counting Pazaak was second nature to him. At first he didn’t know where to start. Brows creasing, he focused on the Exile. On her scathing remarks and smart-ass quips. On the sway of her hips and the way her hair was always a mess. On the effect she had on everyone, on the way everything felt lighter and easier with her around and suddenly Atton grasped what Visas had taught him and tore the walls in his mind down in an instant. He breathed a deep sigh of relief as he allowed his emotions to flow into the room and he felt more easy than he had for years. His unwavering trust and loyalty and love rolled off him in waves and in return he felt the emotions from everyone aboard much more clearly than before. Love and acceptance and a bit of friendly annoyance surrounded him and he supposed that this was what family felt like.

Atton smiled and looked up at the Exile, satisfied with his decision no matter what came next.

She touched his cheek softly and smiled at him. “Took you long enough,” she said before pressing a light kiss to his lips.

  



End file.
